by a_seagulls_hubris
Rating: General, M/M, Complete Work
Published 24 Jan 2023
You know very well that he will most likely die by your hand.
It's how things work: you either claw up the bloody ranks of this world and stand atop the rest, invincible and untouchable, or you get swept away by the waves. It is true for all things, and it will be true for this city.
That you think it's unnecessary is not important. The will of your Tsaritsa comes first.
~~
Or, my very short attempt to dissect Childe
No Archive Warnings Apply, Tartaglia | Childe/Zhongli (Genshin Impact), Tartaglia | Childe (Genshin Impact), Zhongli (Genshin Impact), Mentioned Guizhong (Genshin Impact), Mentioned Traveler (Genshin Impact), Not Beta Read, Character Study, lewdest thing they do is hold hands, POV Second Person, no plot just vibes
I am rivering I am watching
there is a hollowing-out
hunger inside me
I could eat god
- Alex Lemon, from "XX", Another Last Day
~~~
You know very well that he will most likely die by your hand.
It's how things work: you either claw up the bloody ranks of this world and stand atop the rest, invincible and untouchable, or you get swept away by the waves. It is true for all things, and it will be true for this city.
That you think it's unnecessary is not important. The will of your Tsaritsa comes first.
You push down those thoughts and focus on the important things: diplomacy, partnership with a highly esteemed organisation. He seems amiable enough, every inch of him the steady, responsible funeral consultant. A deal is struck and then sealed with a handshake.
He never smiles once during the entire conversation, but there is something warm in the gaze that meets yours.
Unconsciously, you look forward to your next meeting.
~~~
He starts telling his stories when you next meet, during lunch at one of Liyue's many restaurants. You can't remember which one, but the bill is surely enough to raise some eyebrows at the Northland Bank.
He doesn't remember to bring his wallet, and he never learns.
Two styles of cooking, a long, bitter rivalry between them. You were never one for history, but something makes you put down your chopsticks and listen.
His voice tugs at a long-forgotten memory, of long afternoons on icy lakes, listening to heroes fight dangerous monsters and emerge victorious, as you wait for the slightest movement to tug at your fishing pole.
The memory is distant, but you recognise your desire for more, for the stories woven into this stone harbour, so different from everything you've known before. There's always more to discover in this merciless, alluring world, and you are ravenous.
You devour his stories one by one, one mealtime after another, giving in to the growing hunger in your chest.
~~~
You are no stranger to hunger, to want. Yet this... variant (so warm) is unfamiliar in a way. Not that you haven't experienced it, more like a limb that hasn't been moved in a while.
You are all too acquainted with its fragile nature. When everything is ready and the wrath of an old god is unleashed, it will break. It is temporary, and that makes you savour it greedily, like you are starving to death.
~~~
Your meetings are strictly professional at first, but now you make time for each other, finding time to just talk outside of work, to check on each other's well-being. Almost like you're friends.
He asks you about your family, and you tell him about your younger siblings. You tell him nothing more. You ask him about his and he almost smiles, giving you no answer as he sips from a teacup.
It is astonishing how little you know of each other.
Yet, when he tells you he enjoys your company, you feel as though that does not matter.
~~~
The exuvia that falls from the sky puts a wrench in your plan, but underneath all the frustration and endless planning is relief. No one will have to die, not when the Traveller strong enough to take down a dragon is thoroughly entangled in the fiasco.
Despite all the chaos of the harbour's politics, all the issues with finding what your Archon wants, you begin to dream.
~~~
He gifts you a pair of chopsticks (which you pay for) and you think, you dream: you will stay friends when this is all over.
A fool's hope. You were never meant to dream.
~~~
It is you who walks away from him.
You know you are a weapon, no longer meant for the warmth of ignorance. You let yourself fall for an old god's act and suffered the consequences.
You cannot pretend that you did not love every moment of it.
There is an emptiness in your chest, near your heart, when you walk out of the bank's doors.
~~~
The hunger grows in the following days, as you clean up the mess.
You are careful to never show your face on the streets. You don't need to most of the time: the bank's employees are more than capable of dealing with diplomacy fallouts.
They are not capable of dealing with your very determined younger brother.
It's not easy to hide so much from him, but with the Traveller's help, you manage.
He can stay in the refuge of dreams for a bit longer.
~~~
Your wounds split open on the next day and you spend most of the day replacing your bandages. You try to stay out of the sight of the bank's employees, knowing how pronounced your limp is.
The constant boredom from staying under the radar catches up, however, and it is after dark when you meet him on the stairs leading up to the bank.
He asks you if you are all right, and you try to smile, to say with your usual swagger that you are managing, but exhaustion claws at your mind and no words come out.
The hole in your chest aches, and you know that you miss him. You should not want the company of a traitor, a god who plays with hearts as deftly as he writes contracts.
He gives a rare smile and tells you that he feels the same.
You try your best to stay upright and impassive as you gesture for him to leave.
~~~
He is a skilled liar, but you know that he was completely honest that night.
He hadn't lied about enjoying your company. He knew all along what you had to do to his beloved city, what you truly were.
The realisation shoots through you, and you lean onto a wall for support.
He knew, and he chose to love anyway.
A pity that you are not meant for anything that tender.
~~~
Eventually you recover enough to leave this harbour of stone. He told you his address once, and you wish he hadn't.
This is pathetic, you tell yourself, walking up flights of stairs. To want something that he will lose soon, maybe forever.
Yet something more primal, something hungry, guides you closer to him.
He answers the door and lets you in. You seat yourself in a couch and he sits down next to you so that your shoulders are almost touching.
Before you can stop yourself, you ask him to tell you one last story.
He blinks once in confusion, then nods.
You let his voice wash over you, speaking of a war that took place long ago, of the deaths and the destruction. His voice wavers once when he talks of a goddess of dust, but only once.
He pauses to say that he remembers all of them, just like he will remember you.
Sleep takes you before you know it, and you collapse onto his shoulder. He lets you lay your head in his lap, and you let him run his cool fingers through your hair.
In the morning, you have to disentangle your fingers from his.
You murmur a soft 'thank you' when he stirs and leave before he can realise it.
~~~
You will likely never see each other again, but the thought does not sadden you.
The chopsticks you never learned to properly use are packed up alongside the rest of your belongings when you leave. Your lifetime is but a speck compared to the years he has lived and will live, but he promises to remember.
You will return the favour.
Standing on the deck of a ship, you let Liyue's warm sea breeze envelop you one last time.
a great big thank you to poetry Pinterest for helping me come up with the title! i was going insane trying to figure out what to name this very short piece. also i would like to thank bonsaiy for writing the only thing you let hold you and inspiring my interpretation of childe more than any other fic
am probably not going to be writing anything for a very long period of time. Vibes only come to me once in a while and this one stewed in my head for two months.
thank you for reading!!